ইউজার লগইন

The pain is real

I live alone, I eat alone, I take myself on dates and I sleep alone. In the midst of this I am supposed to learn about myself, I am supposed to figure out what inspires me. But the only thing I learn everyday is this pain, which imposes only difficulty on my progress.

Years ago I encountered a minor motorbike accident in a city where nobody follows the traffic rules. Bikes and cars drift like crazy all day and night. I was driving on a motorbike and another motorbike hit me from behind. None of my bones broke, but the joint of my arm and shoulder was severely hurt and I have to live with this pain for the rest of my life. Nobody understands, since nothing broke, but I cannot find the strength anymore, I cannot do things like a normal man. I lost my health, now nothing else matters to me. Kind of lost my happiness forever.

The pain goes worse in cold weather, but have nothing to do. In winter outdoor temperature remains as low as zero degree Celsius and I try not to leave my room, where I can breathe in a temperature of around 20 degree. When its really necessary to go out, I put on warm jackets. But still the pain gets worse.

Recently, I fell on the bathroom floor while my brain was running out of oxygen. I don't know how long I was senseless, but thanks to my nerve that I still managed to show up at the university to attend my physics exam. I thought its nothing, but after 48 hours I had to realize the need to go to the hospital. The doctor asked why I did not come 48 hours ago, but it was hard for me to explain 'the why' in German.

The X-ray reports confirmed that my backbone is not broken, but still, the combined chronic pain from these two incidents is getting unbearable everyday. Someday I will need to be 100% numb to endure this.

And nonetheless in the midst of this I am learning about myself, which I am supposed to do. I am also supposed to cook for me, eat, clean my dishes and clothes, take showers, sleep, wake up, go to work and study for the exam which is due on the day after tomorrow. Someday I will just run out of breath. Anyways, lost 20 minutes of study time to write all these. Need to go back to that stress strain curve now. Goodbye, blue sky.

পোস্টটি ২ জন ব্লগার পছন্দ করেছেন

মন্তব্য করুন

(আপনার প্রদান কৃত তথ্য কখনোই প্রকাশ করা হবেনা অথবা অন্য কোন মাধ্যমে শেয়ার করা হবেনা।)
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নিজের সম্পর্কে

অতীতের ভিত্তিতে নিজেকে ডিফাইন করা অর্থহীন। আর আগামীও অদেখা। বর্তমানে আমি কী সেটা যদি এখন বলি, সেই তথ্য খানিক সময় পরে ইনভ্যালিড হয়ে যাবে, যেহেতু মানুষ প্রতি সেকেন্ডে বদলায়। ফলে, নিজের সম্পর্কে স্পষ্ট করে কিছু বলাটা কঠিন কাজ।